


Hurt

by Nihonkikuasa211



Category: Code Black (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Implied One-Sided Relationship - Freeform, Neal's Feelings, Post 1x10, lying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-26
Updated: 2015-12-26
Packaged: 2018-05-09 09:40:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5535110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nihonkikuasa211/pseuds/Nihonkikuasa211
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Why did Neal not speak to Christa after covering for Mario with the other residents? It was because he thought that Christa would not lie to him. As Neal stands in the locker room, he encounters Christa and tells her that she did not wrong. And yet...why did it hurt so much?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hurt

**Author's Note:**

> As you can probably tell, I felt more for Neal than Christa, having been in a similar situation before. She did lie to him, but I think Neal took it too personally that she didn't tell him the truth. Tell me what you think!

_Hurt_

 

                _Why does it hurt?_ The attending thought as he felt Christa’s gaze on him as he walked past her. The dark-haired attending wouldn’t look at her, his eyes ahead as Neal heard the familiar sounds of the ER. He had known from the moment Angus had looked at him that Mario was nowhere to be found. The young resident had yet to master the art of lying, and Neal could see something close to fear in his eyes as student tried to tell a lie. The attending almost chided himself for thinking that Christa wouldn’t lie to him, or hide where Mario was when he was supposed to be in the hospital. _Even so…_ Neal didn’t know why he still felt disappointment and anger inside him as he had walked past Christa. Each resident, in their own way, had been dishonest. He had told Mario – when the resident had appeared outside of the patient’s room after finding the patient’s son – that this time he would not be punished. _“What about the others?”_ If he had been feeling anything other than the emotions he had been feeling, Neal would have inwardly smiled. Leanne had told him that _he_ was the one who believed that each resident was teachable. It was true, Neal had believed, as he one day knew that Mario would become a better person. In the months that he had known the four residents, Mario had grown the most. That night was when Mario had put himself in harm’s way to find a young boy who had no connection to him, and did the best he could to save a patient. The resident relied on others now, and cared about them.

                _And they care about him too._ They protected as much as they could from the attending’s supposed punishment, and acted as one body. Not individual ones. _“As an attending or as a friend?”_ Neal sighed and stared blankly at the locker he was supposed to be opening. He had not expected that this hurt would occur at Christa telling him nothing. _The situation would have ended the same, and yet I cannot speak to her._ Mario had stated that he wanted to do the right thing, and Neal admitted that he did. _I just…feel hurt that she did not tell me anything. That she did not –_

The door opened suddenly, and Neal almost jumped. It was then that he realized what he was supposed to be doing, and opened the door to the locker as he looked briefly who was entering the locker room.

                That was a mistake. Neal and Christa stared at each other, motionless and unable to look at anything except their eyes. It took only a moment for the contact to be broken, and Christa walked across to where her own locker was. The silence was stifling and heavy. It took all of Neal’s power to not look in the direction where the resident was, and he almost succeeded when the woman spoke.

                “I’m sorry.”

                “Sorry for what?” Neal cleared his throat, and risked looking at Christa. Her blue eyes were looking at him, his gaze directing at the small stray blonde hairs across her neck before forcing himself to look into her eyes. For some reason, his voice seemed to lose its structure, and he took a breath before speaking again. “You can make decisions without my directive.” Her eyes appeared pained – or was it his eyes? _Her eyes are so blue it’s like looking into a soul._ “Anyway, I have to go to my flat.” It was lost to Neal that he had used the English term for apartment – there were times that he could not remember the American terminology – and his eyes withdrew from Christa’s as he closed the locker.

                “I hurt you.” The words stopped Neal from moving forward as he was about to close the locker. He forced himself not to blink and not to speak. “I hurt you by not telling you where Mario was when he was supposed to be here.” She paused. “I can tell you’re not a person that angers easily, and I want to know why you’re upset even now.”

                _How does she know that about me?_ Neal thought as inwardly attempted to think of anything other than what was going on now. _I am not a person that becomes angry, or is angry for a long time. Unless the person is my father of course._ The attending almost turned toward Christa, to tell her things that he wanted to tell her, irrational thoughts in his head. _I like you,_ he wanted to say. _I like you, and when you didn’t tell me the truth, I felt…_

“Neal?” The sound of his name made the attending realize of how Christa was closer to him now. She was sitting across the bench, her hands by her sides as she stared at him. It seemed that the entire moment had stopped as he looked into her eyes. “Neal?” she repeated, her voice causing his heartbeat to race again, and not from anger.

                “I personalized your action to lying to me,” Neal stated as he attempted to control his voice. “I was unprofessional, and I apologize.”

                “Neal,” Christa stated as she stood, and her expression surprised and shaking her head. “You had every right to be angry, and you are the attending.” _Attending,_ Neal inwardly thought with a curse. _That word again._ “I’m just a resident.” The male doctor tried to hide the lump in his throat, and tried to not look at Christa. The younger doctor noticed some moments later that something was wrong, but Neal interrupted before she had a chance to speak.

                “I will see you tomorrow, Dr. Lorenson,” Neal stated as he shut the locker behind him and walked away. He could almost feel her gaze on him, almost exactly as it had been before when he had internalized the actions of the residents. Only this time, the attending fought to urge to look back.

                _Why does it hurt so much?_


End file.
